She smacked the tea towel down onto the wooden coffee table, wildly brushing off any residue crumbs and spilt liquids that failed to make their way into the previous costumers mouth. She resented the customers. She found them grotesque. Buying into this consumeristic fad and finding it completely justifiable to purchase an overpriced/super-sized coffee with whatever sugar-infested, caramel flavoured, diabetic goop comes with it, just to drink one third of it anyway.
The fake smile plastered across her face grew harder and harder to muster up as the consumers got more and more inane. Willing to stand in line for a good 20 minutes and then realise just as they come up to the counter that they don’t even know what they want yet. At times she left work seething. Keeping the frustration in was the actual work. Day after day. However, what choice did she have. The bills weren’t going to pay themselves and she hadn’t caught that big break yet. The one that was going to get her out of that hell hole of a coffee place.
As a child Delta’s mother encouraged her to dream. To find something, anything, and put her whole heart into it. A rare occurrence. Not everyone finds that. A passion. Luckily Delta found that in dancing. It was hard not to make it a passion, for dancing takes strength, persistence, will power and a true connection of body and soul. It is an expression with no words. No pen, no voice, no instrument, just your body. Blood, sweat and tears brought Delta to the top in her tiny town. Through growing up her whole world revolved around dance. School, friends, boys being anything but first on her priority list. Competitions, recitals, rehearsals, classes. Her mind focused on every next chance to dance. She was commended for her attention to detail and push to her absolute limits. She often asked herself if she had what it took, for it was hard and stayed hard, but determination enveloped her and before her she only saw success.
Her mother helped profoundly in that department. Delta’s number one fan. As she scaled each obstacle her mother was not far behind with tears in her eyes, picking her up each step of the way. A pillar of confidence she could lean on when necessary and ultimately someone who made her forget from time to time. Dreamers need to rest too, after all.
Eventually, it was time for Delta to fully pursue her dream. The small town competitions were cute and all, but she was 18 now, ready for the big city. Ready for the real thing. The real deal. She packed her bags, sobbed in her mothers arms and got on that bus. The bus that conclusively took her to her dreams funeral.
The city swallowed her whole and what once shone so bright now flickered dimly, like a streetlamp on a dark street. Every casting, every competitor, every choreographer, every producer took a piece of her till she was no more.
“You’re not very pretty.”
“You’re not as good as the others.”
“You can’t dance.”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re in over your head.”
Audition after audition. Rejection after rejection. Days, weeks, months go by and she had thought she’d be in by now. She never imagined it would be this hard. The one thing she loved more than anything in this world now frightened her. Frightened her enough to make her stop. Dancing everyday reduced to three times a week. Three times a week minified to three times a month until she sequentially hung up her Grishko Pointe shoes.
It did something to her. It made her despise what she once loved and at the same time it was all she had… and all she would ever have. In a way it was her. It became her. And they kept tearing her down. All the years of dedication seem ridiculous. Time wasted… cause what else could she possibly do?
So she worked, because Delta need the money. She resented herself, her mother for pushing her to do something she failed at, her job at the coffee shop, her dreams…
It takes a special kind of strength to turn a passion into a job. Especially in an industry where the top feed off the determination of the naive novice. You live in a world where most wish you nothing but failure. Where everyone tries to put you in your place and plans to keep you there until needed, just to place you back down there after they’re through with you.
Don’t. Give. Up. If no one believes in you you must be strong enough to continuously believe in yourself. It’s all you have. None of it is easy and it won’t get any easier. Believe that you have got what it takes, trust yourself, and don’t let anyone take away your ambition.
Actress In Reality